The Cruise of Destiny- Chapter 7: Song of the Pisces

The Lutefisk (ba dum ching) raised her arm and began to strum, her lute singing in the ocean breeze, saccharine notes mixing with the salty sprays in a musical equivalent of sweet and sour sauce. My mouth and Trevor’s salivated at the music. And then the singing began:

O sing me a song
About a woman of men
The men in the woman
And her essence all spent.
A gleam in her eye
As the men sprayed her head!
The pretty little lady
Known as M’lady Me-gan!

I looked at Trevor, then at Abita, who had somehow managed to sleep through these innumerably non-prime days. God bless her, I love her so. I had a bad feeling about this song. Abita would not be too pleased with its direction either. Kaila continued:

She ran through the forests
And out into the mines
Searching all the land
(And behind it) for love
Until that fine day
When the Shaman approached
He seized up M’lady
And in her he broached!

The anger rose in me. This damn fish was mocking me, I knew it. How did she know my sister?

“Oh Shaman,” she pleaded
“Fill me with knowledge
Find me love today
And give me a lesson.”

I will do as you ask
With joy in my heart
Come into my tent
I’ll show you my art

I specialize in staffs
In wands and in branches
In spikes and in rods
In poles (if you snatch them).

I’ll show you my shafts
My bars and my sticks
My mace and my scepter
My flog, hard as a whip!

You’ll learn to love thickness
Girth a la mode
The durability of timber
Plastics and molds!

My things are most precious
Keep them deep inside
They’re here for your love
From love you cant’ hide.”

I looked around the dinghy for something to throw at that damned fish. Nothing. No harpoons, nothing sharp, nothing especially sturdy. I had no way of killing her. And then she continued:

“Shaman, your hand
Is most wonderfully large
I feel like a woman
Whilst near your midst
Canst love shine through
When the hand is enclosed
In a rounded out fist?”

“My lovely young lady,
The best parts come from there.
The fist can be used
To show peace or pull hair.
I don’t think you’re ready
For the power it holds
But close thine sweet eyes
And do as you’re told.”

Trevor clapped in rhythm to the hideous music, a stupid smirk on his face, his shirt off, and his body uncannily oiled in a light sheen. He was of no help to me. I grabbed the nearest thing I could, the rage in me building as I searched for ways of ending this disgusting ditty. I found a sturdy object, not knowing what it was due to the anger seething throughout me. The song continued:

“My dear, sweet M’lady
Stand right in this stride
Relax all your muscles
And open your legs wide—“

She could not finish her song. Kaila the Lutefisk (ba dum ching) fell into the depths, a hard object striking her head and breaking her lute. She sank into the murky depths in an unconscious stupor. I was victorious. The vile song had ceased! I looked around to celebrate. Trevor looked at me dumbstruck. I smiled proudly at him, jumping up and down. My smile slowly faded as I looked around the boat and realized something: Where was Abita?