I was back on the beat, a month in recovery after my futile efforts to defend the world from utter devastation. If there is one thing I learned, it's that you can't stop the inevitable.
I traveled the stars to find the city of Austin, scoured the streets for the unholy Ceremony. Looked to the skies to await the End. But it never came. They were married, the sky didn't fall, and we're all still alive. For now...
I returned to the force with scattered applause. Some pity for an old hound trying to right a wrong and failed. I work with bastards. The condescension didnt last long. I came back to catch the bad guys, not get the back-slapping sycophants' nose up my ass.
Within minutes of reaching my desk, my boss, the Great Detective Smith threw a pile of paperwork down, grunting through his cigar, "Welcome back, blah blah blah, catch this perv or you're fired." Thanks, Cap'n, I muttered into my snout, go fuck your mom.
My name is Abito. I work for the Intergalactic Police. My specialty: covert operations of cataclysmic proportions. Yeah, I'm a COC-P.
This case? Routine. Some bastard goes to the remote farming planets pretending to be a holistic healer, telling them he'll heal their cat-tatle of the mysterious plague (which conveniently appears just after he arrives). He lays some stones on the beasts, sleeps with the farmer's daughter, and then runs off with their dog, after making sweet passionate love to every animal on the planet. In the business, we know this guy as a Snake Oil Skin Condom. They type of case I would cover twenty years ago in my younger days, before I earned my COC-Pness badge.
My twin sister, Abita, and I would solve these cases in a matter of days. She was great at being a dog decoy. Poor thing got caught one day and fled to some unknown land. We never caught that bastard.
Now I'm back to the basics, doing grunt work until I get back to my feet and fully recoverd. Bastards. That's what I get for trying to save the universe from future destruction. And yet Karl and Kate are still married. I need my pills.
As I look at the file, I glance at the local police sketches. Normal, slick haired look. Some guy with a mustache. But wait, I've seen that face before. Shave the mustache and you have....
Karl.
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2 comments:
Good to hear from you, old friend. I don't know how it ended up on the blog of the Tucson couple, but I won't question why. I'll see you in the stars, my sweet doggie tang.
Lies! Everybody knows the creator never intended us to work against humans. In fact, just the opposite! The creator gave you the modified emotion chip to save humanity, but soon you became consumed with the jelousy program, bent on destroying all that love me, that is...everybody.
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