Our Real Wedding Vows II

It's Karl, once again prepared to air very personal information over the Internet for, you know, everyone to see.



To be fair, I was a little skeptical when Kate first pitched the idea of posting our real wedding vows, but then I figured, "Hey, it could be worse. I could have actually read them out at the wedding so all my friends would have had the chance to laugh at me."


So, here they are:



I, Karl, do take you, Kate, as my wife, and you, Abita, as my dog, to cherish and to hold for the rest of the days the great Spider God bestows upon us. I swear to give you shelter in my parents house for as long as my dad has a job overseas, and we shall build our family there on the bedrock of dog walking and fastidious attention to TV Guide and US Weekly.



In the shadow of the mighty cacti that grace the barren landscape of Tucson, I will leave my fertile seed in your respective wombs to blossom like a desert flower. Our love will flow like the water that falls from the decorative fountain in my parents home, and my diligent maintenance shall extend to our union as well. Like a tryst, the filter needs to be cleaned at times and the water drained. But I shall always unplug before I do that, so as to prevent burning out the motor.



I shall give you access to my boat and we will sail together as we chart the uncharted seas of love. Storms will rock our bow, but with you as my ballast we shall guide our craft into the safe harbor of bliss.


And event's will happen out of our control. My hot sister will undoubtedly hook up with one of my friends, maybe as soon as the reception in mere hours, yet we will survive. Abito, the evil robotic canine bent on destroying this dimension will resurface, yet we will survive. You may never finish law school, yet we will survive.

So say we all.