The Dinner Guest- Chapter 20: Where to Go America!

Colorado
Utah
New Mexico
Texas

Colorado
Utah
New Mexico
Texas

I watched as Shriss Babler sprawled over her living room carpet. In a unique bit of interior decorating, the former Christ-like Viking cum star-dazzled showgirl allowed for her innate love of the American way to seep into every aspect of her home, from the Fourth of July tree, plastic with red and blue balls dangling from its wood, to the American flag wallpaper depicting every incarnation of the Stars and Stripes, even a special section in the basement devoted to the Stars and Bars and other streamers of alternate American pride, the subterranean dwelling being the most appropriate arena for displays of risqué historical artifacts. I share her enthusiasm for the minutiae of history, my own basement being filled with my personal anthology of Falun Gong insignia tote bags and Children of November wristwatches.

But the most interesting feature of Shriss’ home was the carpet of her living room, a vast cavern of apple pie lamps and baseball glove recliners and George Washington ash trays and Thomas Jefferson themed TV trays. This carpet, in precise detail woven into the fibers, depicted an enlarged map of the United States, circa 2150 AD. The normal fifty states were there in their contemporary incarnations, with a few moderations, namely the entirely of California broken off into the Pacific Ocean and Delaware finally portrayed for its true nature: a dark emptiness in the soul of America. A few additional states littered the rest of the carpet, from the Guami goodness in Asia, to the liberation of Georgia 2 in Eastern Europe (after the Second Balkan Revolution of 2035), to the single, sub par state known as Canadaxico, two parts straddling the Contiguous 48 and connected only by their year of admittance (2099). Shriss was sprawled out over the American MidWest, her long, luscious legs spreadeagle towards New England and the South, a deep mouth ready to swallow the Mid Atlantic into the recesses of her womb, swallowing and engulfing Ohio and Kentucky into her snatch.

Colorado
Utah
New Mexico
Texas

“Where to go, where to go?” She sighed as she wiggled her strong thighs to and fro, swooshing along the Mississippi and no doubt halting the commerce on her flat, tiny rug country. I gazed at her ripping physique, the smooth tan of her back and the tiny tramp stamp peeking out from her skirt, a lotus petal being infiltrated by a hummingbird. How quaint.

“I have so many places that we can go. So many friends and safe houses.” She sighed again, her head falling to the carpet. “Oh how I love maps.”

This last statement piqued my inerest, my own fascination with geography and the lost art of cartography deeply ingrained in my own psyche. Countless times I would make love to Kate while she wore a costume shaped like Idaho, while Abita festooned her painted fur in a rough sketch of Route 66. “Fuck me in my potato maker,” Kate would scream, “Ravish me like the huckleberry loving state that I am.” Things got really interesting when she dressed as Florida. That’s when we brought out the two sided dildo and Abita resembled Interstate 75.

“In Albuquerque we can stay in my cousin’s Alpaca farm. You’re not allergic to camelids, are you?

I shook my head as I stared at her glistening, straight white hair, the testament of her scarred existence.

“Hmm, maybe not. Those animals are kinda boring. Oh, we can go to Dallas! I have tons of family there.”

Dallas….Dallas…..Dallsa….Dassal…..Dassad…..Lassad….Sallad….no

“Houston?”

“Fuck no. Too many bad memories.”

“Austin?”

“If there’s one place for me to hide, it’s definitely at my in-laws. No way.”

“Salt Lake City? I am a high ranking member of the Mormon church, ya know.”

I shuddered, remembering my last encounter with the Mormons. So many dead rabbits. An entire solar system strung out on caffeine…

“No thanks. I’d rather die.”

Abita barked, three long ruffs followed by a yowl and a yip. I raised my eyebrow quizzically, pondering her suggestion. Before I could say anything ,Shriss interjected.

“What’s that girl? Pueblo? You don’t say…”

I sat there, dumbstruck at the powers of this being before me. I thought I was the only one who could understand my dog.

“That’s a perfect place to go!! I have friends there we can stay with. Plus they have a laboratory that might be able to help us out in getting you off this planet. This sounds perfect. You’ll love them, they’re a cute gay couple. Robert Strange and Captain Rage. It’s settled, we’re going to Pueblo!”

Colorado
Utah
New Mexico
Texas

On to Colorado.