The Dinner Guest - Chapter 22: Lola Goes Home

I wandered through the door of my sister's laboratory and glanced around. Text books were piled high, impossibly balanced all the way to the ceiling. The walls were completely covered by a thick layer of framed diplomas from countless schools of higher learning. And in the back corner, I could see my sister, conversing with a mentally challenged-looking guy on a nest of old term papers."Lola!" she screeched. She dismounted from the stack and tossed a black cloak over herself before running across the room. "Camille!" we hugged and it warmed me. After everything that had happened, I felt safe in my sister's arms here in New Orleans. I looked in her eyes and I could see she felt the same way.Breaking off the hug, I asked her about the guy in the corner."That's Pierre. I read in a medical school book that retards have interesting conversations, so I got one. We're just about on the same intellectual level, despite his handicap," she walked back to corner. "I'll let him have a couple minutes out then I'll throw him back in the cage." "Je m'appelle Pierre!" he yelled."Shut up or I'll get the hose!" Camille shrieked. "Do you want a go with him before I lock him up? It's OK, I fixed him so he doesn't talk about anything offensive or remotely interesting. Basically, I took the fun out of him."I told her no thanks and then broke down. I told her the whole story: Abito, Will's injury and my quest to find Karl."Can you help me, sister? I need to find a spell to locate Karl and banish Abito to another dimension?""I have a test to study for, I don't have time!" she howled, throwing her hands on her hips."Please, Camille, you've had more education than everyone I've ever met...combined. If anyone knows the answer, it's you."She sighed and walked over to her desk. She flipped through some papers and picked up a stack."The Karl spell will take a couple days to round up the ingredients and let it simmmer. Do you have a hair from his pubis?" I reached into my pocket and pulled out the glass jar I use to protect it. I didn't want to lose this little piece of him."Is there another way?" I asked."If you want to save him, this is the only way."I handed it over. Camille snapped her fingers. "There's another thing we can do with this. I can make a love potion to help you make him yours."I paused. I could decide later if I wanted to use it, but if I had it..."Go for it," I told her.Camille shifted through more papers and continued to absentmindedly talk. "I can get this together and put it on the burner..."She stopped and looked at something on her desk. Transfixed, she picked it up.It was one of those mailings colleges send out by the gross ton to students across the country. Shit, I thought to myself, who let that in here?"Huh, did you know SUNY Binghamton is ranked by U.S. News and World Report as the best liberal arts college in Binghamton, N.Y.?"Uh oh, I could see it in her eye. This was bad."Dad! Dad!" she bawled.After several seconds of her yelling, father came through the door to the lab."What is it, Camille? I heard zee yelling from the kitchen. Is it Bastille Day?""Dad, I want to go to SUNY Binghamton!""Oh Camille, you have been to other SUNY schools.""I want to go to SUNY Binghamton," she screamed, stamping her foot."OK, OK," he said holding his hands out. "I did not want to retire anyway."At that point Camille glanced over and saw Pierre was gone."Dad! My retard ran away!" she turned back around to yell at father."Do you want me to birth one from the womb?" father asked innocently."No, dad! I want you to find Pierre. He couldn't have gotten far."Father shruggged. "I will find zee stun gun." He left the lab and closed the door.Camille collected herself."Now, back to your problems."Home sweet home.